Remembering classic text adventure games

PLAYER: Go North.

COMPUTER: You can’t go North.

PLAYER: Go South.

COMPUTER: You can’t go South.

PLAYER: Go East.

COMPUTER: You can’t go East.

PLAYER: Um, OK? Go West then?

COMPUTER: I don’t understand Um, OK? Go West then?

PLAYER: Go West.

COMPUTER: You are in a windswept meadow with knee-high grass. Rolling hills unfold along the landscape. A large granite boulder protrudes from the earth. Resting atop the boulder is a gleaming sword.

PLAYER: Pick up sword.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Pick up.

PLAYER: Take sword.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Take.

PLAYER: Retrieve sword.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Retrieve.

PLAYER: Collect sword.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Collect.

PLAYER: Possess sword.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Possess.

PLAYER: Bring sword into my possession.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Bring sword into my possession.

PLAYER: Grab the sword.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Grab.

PLAYER: Touch the sword.

COMPUTER: You bend down and touch the sword. Now what do you want to do?

PLAYER: OK then. Now pick up the sword.

COMPUTER: I do not understand OK then. Now pick up the sword.

PLAYER: Pick up the sword.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Pick up the sword.

PLAYER: Take the fucking sword!

COMPUTER: I do not understand Take the fucking sword!

PLAYER: Take the fucking sword and shove it up your fucking ass, motherfucker!

COMPUTER: I do not understand Take the fucking sword and shove it up your fucking ass, motherfucker!

PLAYER: Why not?

COMPUTER: I do not understand Why not?

PLAYER: Why don’t you understand Why not?

COMPUTER: I don’t understand Why don’t you understand Why not?

PLAYER: Why don’t you understand Why don’t you understand Why not?

COMPUTER: I do not understand Why don’t you understand Why don’t you understand Why not?

PLAYER: Fuck it. Go North.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Fuck it. Go North.

PLAYER: Go North.

COMPUTER: You can’t go North.

PLAYER: Go South, then.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Go South, then.

PLAYER: Just go South.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Just go South.

PLAYER: Go South.

COMPUTER: You can’t go South.

PLAYER: Help me, Jesus.

COMPUTER: For help, press the ESC key.

PLAYER: Quit game.

COMPUTER: To quit, press Q.

PLAYER: Q.

COMPUTER: Are you sure you want to quit?

PLAYER: Yeah. I pressed Q.

COMPUTER: I do not understand Yeah. I pressed Q.

COMPUTER: Are you sure you want to quit?

PLAYER: Q Q Q Q Q Q Q Q Q Q Q!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COMPUTER: Do you want to save your current game before quitting?

PLAYER: Holy fucking shit!

COMPUTER: I do not understand Holy fucking—

PLAYER: Get sword! GET SWORD!

COMPUTER: You pick up the sword. Suddenly, dark clouds gather over the meadow, and an evil wizard dressed in black, flowing robes appears. He waves his wand at you, casting an evil spell. You fall over and die.

COMPUTER: Game over.

PLAYER: Are you fucking serious?

COMPUTER: I do not understand Are you fucking serious? 

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