‘Monster in the Closet’ — a spooky short

I made this Halloween video back in 2008.

I admit, there might have been one or two adult beverages consumed during the filming process.

The movie tells the story of a lone guy who comes home to his dark and dingy apartment one night. (The script was based on a true story — mine. But at least I picked up the dirty socks and underwear for the filming.)

The guy pours himself a drink and sits down to watch a movie … only he can’t shake the feeling that something is watching him.

And something is. Something dreadful — something terrifying. (And no, it’s not the rent-seeking landlord.)

For the more timid among you, let me assure you that the video’s not that scary. The most frighting part of it, in fact, is the design on the apartment’s kitchen cabinets. (“Holy Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! Talk about being stuck in the ‘70s.”)

Since the video, I’ve lost 20 pounds, but gained one goatee. It never did launch my Hollywood career, as I had hoped (the video, I mean; not the goatee).

So here it is, reclaimed from the treasure chest of time (or the garbage bin, depending on your perspective). I present to you, in its full, unrestored glory: Monster in the Closet.Jack-o'-lantern

Happy Halloween!

Hollywood producers: Please contact me directly with any leading-role offers. I’d prefer to work with Cameron Diaz or Jennifer Lawrence, but I’m open to suggestions. Have your people contact my people, OK? We’ll do lunch. Ciao.

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22 thoughts on “‘Monster in the Closet’ — a spooky short

    1. Allen Post author

      Well, based on the notable lack of phone calls so far from my agent, I’m not sure we can expect that star to appear on the Hollywood Walk of Fame anytime soon.

      Which is really quite disheartening. I thought for sure this video would do for me what Good Will Hunting did for Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

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      1. Allen Post author

        This is true — and really, what did either of them have that I don’t? (I mean, besides a genius screenplay, rugged good looks, impeccable acting skills and youthful charisma?)

        But beyond all that, their path to success mirrors my own.

        Just yesterday in fact, Hollywood gave me a call. (No, sorry — that was Hollywood Video. They were looking for a VHS copy of The Shawshank Redemption that I apparently never returned.)

        Liked by 1 person

  1. In My Cluttered Attic

    Allen, Stephen here. George and I think there might be something we can do with this little film. Of course the special effects appear to be very pre-Industrial Light and Magic—very, very, very pre. But, we feel the monster has the potential to be more frightening than Georges, “Howard the Duck.” Have your people get in contact with our people about some other people, who don’t know people that our people know. That way all our people can talk to somebody about this project. Just one question; however did you convince Tom Cruise to work in your film? 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Allen Post author

      What an honor to be mistaken for Tom Cruise! (Oh, wait … you were talking about the sock puppet, weren’t you? Darn — he always gets all the accolades.)

      That sounds great about getting our people together. If your people talk to my people, we’ll have a large group of people standing around talking. It’ll look like the halls of Congress!

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      1. Allen Post author

        Thank you very much — I’m hoping the brightest minds in Hollywood will feel the same way. (Of course, finding a bright mind in Hollywood is like finding a needle in a haystack, so my journey to stardom may be an arduous one.)

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Allen Post author

      OK, OK — one or two dozen adult beverages.

      But in my defense, I needed an extra bottle for the scene where the puppet drinks the beer … and I didn’t want to pour it down the sink. I mean, that would be wasting valuable resources, and good movie props don’t come cheaply.

      And, of course, I decided to reshoot the scene dozens of times … which required several additional empty bottles.

      It was a burden, yes — but a true artist must suffer for his art (which I’m sure I did the next morning).

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    1. Allen Post author

      I appreciate that — thank you! And not to boast about my unparalleled acting abilities, but I actually played both parts. (I don’t want the sock puppet to outshine me, here.)

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  2. Flop til you drop "FTYD"

    Everyone is a film-maker at heart. You should see our list of “inventions” that are going to make us rich… this list grows every time we have “wine” nights. One of us will be hit with a clever idea and we say “add it to the list.”

    Of course, neither of us has taken time to write down said ideas (for fear of someone stealing them) and we can never remember all the clever ideas we had over the years…but we know they are amazing and we need to get right on them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Allen Post author

      There’s something about wine that brings out the inner inventor within us. I’ve seen people solve all the world’s political problems while chatting (OK, arguing) over a bottle of wine!

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  3. BunKaryudo

    I’m watching this a little too late, or perhaps that’s 11 months too early. Anyway, that kitchen knife was scary enough! How did the sock puppet actually kill you in the end, though? It looked like he was gumming you to death. By the way, I’m very glad that after being fatally wounded in that frenzied attack you’ve managed to make such a remarkable recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Allen Post author

      I’ll go with 11 months too early. They say it’s better late than never, but when it comes to watching this video, “never” is probably preferable. It contains so many ghastly, horrific elements — such as the Rudolph sheets on my unmade bed.

      It was difficult to detect in the video, but the sock puppet was actually singing a spirited rendition of Justin Bieber’s “Sorry.” That explains why the protagonist died such a terrifying death. However, because the scene was so gruesome and repugnant, the MPAA made me cut out the vocals so the puppet couldn’t be heard.

      I’m grateful I made it through unscathed … though the sock puppet and I haven’t worked together since. We broke ties because he kept accusing me of putting words in his mouth.

      Liked by 1 person

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