I don’t have to wear a tie.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m grateful for my life and my health, too. But mainly, it’s the whole not-having-to-wear-a-tie perk that instills me with gratitude.
I’m lucky that my job doesn’t require a tie. (But come to find out, it does require competence. And despite all my lobbying, they’re not yet willing to waive that outdated demand.)
Although I don’t like ties, I’m not a slob. I always wear a collared shirt to work, whether it’s formal button-up or a polo. I’ll even put them in the washer, on occasion.
I also make an effort to look nice. Big emphasis here on “making the effort.” If I run a comb through my hair, I think that shows I’m trying. (The same can’t be said for my sandals with black socks.)
Despite my strict no-tie policy, I always carry an air of professionalism. (I always carry a rubber chicken, too, because I like to be prepared. You never know when you’ll be asked to meet with the CEO.)
Ties should be abolished. Other than decoration, they serve no useful purpose. (Unless, of course, you want to hang yourself following an unexpected layoff.)
Ties are also uncomfortable. And when you’re striving for productivity, comfort is crucial. Call me crazy, but I’m not exactly at my best when I’m being strangled by an abrasive piece of cloth cinched around my throat.
Some professions take dressing up to an unnecessary extreme.
Take FBI agents, for example — at least the way they’re portrayed in the movies. They maintain a high degree of physical fitness. They engage in hand-to-hand combat, chase down criminals, and even infiltrate the Black Lodge (that is, if they happen to be Special Agent Dale Cooper).
And yet they’re expected to do all this while wearing a suit and tie.
I mean, isn’t working in law-enforcement difficult enough? It’s got the physical demands and that whole life-threatening aspect to it. Do we really need to tack on the challenge of looking presentable, as well?
Criminals on the news are always wearing jogging suits, and it makes sense. Jogging suits are comfortable. And comfort’s a big bonus when the whole idea is to get away. It’s always easier to hop fences and duck into doorways when you’re unencumbered by a tie and polished loafers. Besides, evading the authorities can scuff up your good shoes.
Society needs to rethink its arbitrary dress code — especially in the workplace. Work is horrifying, demeaning, and demoralizing enough as it is. We don’t need the added burden of physical discomfort tossed in the mix. (Unless it’s our week to clean out the company fridge.)
Besides, being well-dressed doesn’t necessarily make you competent or hardworking. I’m living proof that ties aren’t needed in the workplace. (But then I’m again, if you look at my productivity, I’m living proof that I’m not needed in the workplace, either.)
So let’s get rid of the tie. All they do is suffocate us slowly and collect blobs of food when we’re trying to eat lunch.
Besides, when it comes to suffocating slowly, we don’t need ties. That’s what our jobs are for.