It’s not often I get a second date.
Actually, I’m not even a big proponent of probiotics. Not anymore. I took them regularly for a few years, guzzling the little buggers before every meal and championing their magnificence as if I were Dr. Oz.
But there are so many different strains — so many brands and varieties — that my microflora mastery is quickly degenerating to obsolescence.
So no longer do I extol the virtues of beneficial gut bacteria.
Instead, I reach across the table, take my date’s hand, and urge her to research the subject herself.
It’s still not often I get a second date. But I can tell I’ve given her something to think about, even as she’s dashing in a panic for the restaurant door.
After all, the scientific literature regarding the safety and effectiveness of probiotics is quite extensive.
At least, I assume it is. I wouldn’t know. Everything I know about probiotics, I learned from the Internet (as well as how to self-diagnose on WebMD):
- Some probiotics inhabit the small intestine while others inhabit the large.
- Some work best with others; others work best alone.
- Some slim the stomach while others cause gas and bloating. (Try not to confuse the two before a big date. I’m speaking from experience, here.)
- Some should be stored at room temperature while others are best kept cold.
I guess it’s not the best dessert conversation — at least judging from the looks I get. I admit, the mental image of microorganisms surging through your digestive tract (and we’re talking billions and billions of them, here), is a little unsettling.
But they say dating is a learning experience, and if I can impart some of my wisdom over cheesecake and coffee, then I feel I’ve served humanity.
Of course, the dates always end soon after — and often, the women insist on driving themselves home.
Which is understandable … considering that earlier in the evening, I confused my waist-trimming probiotics with the gas-producing variety.