Those days when you just can’t deal

two men sitting in an office conference roomSo I woke up the other morning to my alarm clock. Its relentless, piercing squawking pulled me out of a deep, restful sleep.

Groaning, I reached out and fumbled around my nightstand, grasping for the snooze button.

Instead of hitting it, I ended up knocking my wristwatch to the floor.

“Uh,” I groaned. “I’m too tired to pick it up. I can’t deal.”

So I yanked the alarm clock’s plug from the wall and left the watch lying on the floor.

Only the clock kept squawking, because I’d put backup batteries in it in case the power went out.

So I reached out and swiped the alarm clock off the nightstand. It hit the floor, the back hatch falling open and the batteries tumbling out.

The clock lay there next to the watch, its relentless squawking silenced.

Hours later, my phone rang. I reached out to pick up the receiver. “Hello?”

It was my boss. “Are you coming in to work today?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “I can’t deal.”

“What do you mean you can’t deal?” he asked.

“Just what I said. It’s one of those days where I can’t deal. I don’t even have the energy to pick up my wristwatch.”

“Where’s your wristwatch?”

“It’s on the floor next to my alarm clock.”

“Why is your alarm clock on the floor?”

“Because it wouldn’t stop squawking.”

“Are you sick?” my boss asked. “Do you have a cold, or something?”

“No. I’m healthy. I just can’t deal.”

“What exactly can’t you deal with?”

“Today. I just can’t deal.”

“But that’s no excuse. You can’t stay home because you can’t deal. You have to deal.”

“I don’t want to deal.”

“But that’s not part of the deal. The deal is that to keep your job, you have to show up.”

“I’ll show up tomorrow,” I said.

“No — you’ll show up today. If you’re not sick, then you need to come in.”

“But I’m sleeping in,” I said.

“Colane, do you have any idea what time it is?”

“I don’t,” I said. “My wristwatch is on the floor.”

“Then look at your clock.”

“My clock is on the floor, too.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” my boss said. “Get dressed and get down to the office immediately! Either you show up in an hour or you’re fired. Deal?”

I sighed. “This sucks. I don’t want to get up.”

“That’s life,” my boss said. “Deal with it.”

7 comments on “Those days when you just can’t deal

  1. I’m glad you don’t live on a farm. I dread to think that the rooster might face the fate of your clock or watch.
    Another thought – I wonder what happened before the invention of alarm clocks. Aside from farmers, did people just show up for work whenever?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have to say, waking up to a crowing rooster each morning would — a-hem — ruffle my feathers. He’d be better off flying the coop before I could get my hands on him.

      Before alarm clocks, I think most people rolled out of bed at noon, went to work for a couple of hours, and called it a day. That’s why our society is so much more productive now. It’s not that we have better technology — it’s that we’re forced to wake up on time.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have a lot of sympathy with your plight, Allen. Getting out of bed isn’t easy if the only incentive is a day of work. (Incidentally, I lost my job as a croupier because I just couldn’t deal.)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Exactly — as hard as it may be to believe, a wretched day of agony, toil and drudgery isn’t exactly the best motivator to get me out of bed.

      I’m sorry about your croupier job. You’d think they would have emphasized the dealing part on the job description. “If you want to work here, there’s no two ways about it: you’re going to have to deal.” That’d be an indicator for me to seek employment elsewhere — preferably someplace with more realistic expectations.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t see why not being able to deal isn’t a legitimate excuse from work. You have to be able to deal in order to do the work so if you can’t deal you can’t work. It really doesn’t get any simpler than that. I’ve come to use my phone now for all sorts of alarms, buzzers and sounds to announce things to do during the day so perhaps over time the alarm clock has become less of a nuisance. I haven’t figured out why I still even have the alarm clock when my phone could easily assume its duties much like it did the wristwatch’s. Keeping the alarm clock in service…weird deal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly! I wish you could talk some sense into my boss. If I can’t deal, then I shouldn’t be at work. It’s like having a cold, in that it’s infectious.

      I’ve been using my phone as my alarm clock for so long that I don’t even know how to set my alarm clock anymore. It’s like trying to program my VCR in the 1980s. The clock itself has so many buttons, and each button has multiple functions, so when I try to set the alarm, I end up playing a heavy-metal radio station. I can’t even figure out how to set the clock to the right time. So even if I could set the alarm, I still can’t set the clock.

      Which leads me to wonder, why do I still even have an alarm clock?

      Liked by 1 person

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