Fiction

Hearts Flying Freely: a short story

1.  I was watching a DVD one Sunday afternoon when Annabelle broke the news. “Hey, Lyle,” she said, walking into the room. “My mom just e-mailed me. We’re invited to dinner next Saturday.” “Oh, great,” I said, groaning. She frowned. “That was real nice. What did my parents ever do to you?” “Nothing,” I said. […]

The Do-Over: a short story

1. The cafeteria smelled like greasy french fries. It always did, no matter what was being served. Today, the menu featured sliced turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy. Jimmy shuddered. He approached the serving window, plastic tray in hand, and faced a tired-looking old lady wearing thick glasses and a tight hairnet. “Hi there,” Jimmy […]

Iceholes: A Saga of Five Fishermen

I was watching TV and drinking beer when the phone rang. I picked up the receiver. “Put me on your ‘Do Not Call’ list. Thanks.” “Colane?”  “Yeah?” I said.  “Colane, it’s Dave.”  “Dave?” I said. “Dave’s not here, man.”  “Dude,” he said, laughing, “I was calling to see if you still wanted to go ice […]

Getting what you want out of life 

I was having a bad day at work, so I decided to treat myself to lunch at a diner. The waitress came over to take my order. “Can I get you a drink?” she asked. “Sure,” I said. “Can I have a Coke?” “Pepsi OK?” she asked, chewing on gum. I sighed. “Yeah. Pepsi’s fine.” […]

So my boss said to leave the report on his desk…

When I first got my new job, my boss, Steve, asked me to write a one-page report for the executive manager. “Be sure to send the report directly to me,” Steve said. “You don’t want me to send it to the executive manager?” I asked. “I don’t. I want to check it before he sees […]

Your dirty dishes are my problem

Dear Senior Leadership Team, Good morning. I’m writing to you today to express a grave concern. I’ve spent many sleepless nights debating whether to escalate this concern to senior management. As a result, my work performance has suffered, and I’ve ordered way too many useless gadgets from the Home Shopping Network. I feel I have […]

Attack of the time parasite

The time parasite is a wretched and despicable creature. They’re among the lowest form of scum imaginable (a true invertebrate with no noticeable backbone or useful purpose), and they often come with an overinflated sense of self worth and a graduate degree in business administration. The time parasite is a true bottom-feeding life form oozing […]

An under-appreciated office-dweller

“Thanks.” That was the extent of your e-mailed response: “Thanks.” I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I’m glad that you at least acknowledged my effort. But “Thanks”? That’s it? Not to sound entitled, but I think I deserve a little bit more. Did you see how quickly I acted upon your request? And did you […]

The catnip candy cane and the unimpressed cat

So I’m on the phone with my friend, Brenda. And she says, “You have a cat, don’t you? I thought I remembered you saying you have a cat.” “Yep,” I say, laughing. “I sure do. I am indeed the proud owner of a cat.” “Hey!” I look up to see my cat staring at me […]

Don’t throw garbage in there! That’s a decorative wastebasket

Roberta, I hope you’re having a good evening. Thank you so much for coming. I’ve been wanting to have you over to my apartment for quite a while. I also hope you enjoyed your dinner. Sorry I burned the fish sticks! I’m just not used to baking them in the oven. I usually use the […]