The only thing I’m looking to enlarge is my audience, thank you

“So I was reading your blog yesterday,” said my friend, Helen, “and I noticed that the ads were gone. You must have paid extra to have them removed.” I nodded. “Yeah. They were getting a little intrusive. The final straw was when they posted three penis-enlargement ads on one page. I’m all for free enterprise, […]

This hardcore gamer doesn’t need cheat codes — or a headset 

It was a gray, windy Saturday morning. I was sitting on the living-room couch, focused on a life-or-death situation.  My girlfriend, Ashley, had just gotten out of the shower. She walked into the room wearing a bathrobe, a towel wrapped around her hair. “What are you doing?” she asked. I bit my lower lip, concentrating. […]

A God-given gift for singing marred by bad breath 

After dinner one evening, my girlfriend, Ashley, and I settled down to watch some TV. “You get to choose tonight,” I said, leaning back on the couch. “It seems like I’ve been choosing all the movies lately.” “Are you serious?” Ashley asked. “Of course,” I said. “Fair’s fair. Whatever you choose, I’ll watch it.” “Really? […]

A modern-day success story 

It was after dinner on Wednesday evening. I was in the office working on my blog. My girlfriend, Ashley, was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher. (I wasn’t entirely sure how the household chores always seemed to land on her plate, but I wasn’t one to question the status quo.) As I typed, the phone […]

Being cool is much more important than being competent 

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. I was lying on the living-room couch, reading an article on my iPad.  “This is ridiculous,” I said aloud, as my girlfriend, Ashley, walked into the room. “What’s ridiculous?” she asked. “Oh, this article I’m reading,” I said. “It’s an old blog post by Michael Hyatt about the importance […]

Decorative, dust-covered potpourri that has no smell 

My company hired a new intern recently named Kyle. The other day, I was working in my cubicle when Kyle approached me from behind and tapped me on the shoulder.  “Excuse me,” he said, “but I was just in the restroom, and –” “I really don’t like how this conversation is starting,” I said. He […]

Big media and its incessant war against Millennials

Last week, I was invited to participate in an editorial meeting at a metropolitan newspaper. I followed all of the reporters to a conference room and took a seat. The executive editor sat in a chair near the front. “Listen up, everyone,” he said, holding up his hands. The chatter in the room slowly subsided. […]

Fulfilling your life’s purpose may be hazardous to your health 

It was a gorgeous Saturday morning. I was lying on the living-room couch in my underwear, watching TV and drinking a beer. My girlfriend, Ashley, walked into the room and stopped dead in her tracks. “Hey,” she said, motioning to me. “What’s this all about?” I let out a three-second belch. “What’s what all about?” […]

Learning invaluable lessons from an incompetent life coach 

It was around seven on Tuesday evening. My girlfriend, Ashley, and I had already eaten dinner. Now we were both sitting on the living-room couch, watching a Love It or List It rerun on TV. I was reclined with my head tilted back, and as the show played out, I started to snooze. It had […]

The abject inhumanity of a house without pizza 

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. I was standing in the kitchen, rummaging through the pantry.  My girlfriend, Ashley, walked into the room. “What are you doing?” “Looking for something to eat,” I said, my head buried in the pantry as I waded through cans and boxes. Ashley snickered. “With your butt sticking out like […]