Tag Archive | blogging

The only thing I’m looking to enlarge is my audience, thank you

“So I was reading your blog yesterday,” said my friend, Helen, “and I noticed that the ads were gone. You must have paid extra to have them removed.” I nodded. “Yeah. They were getting a little intrusive. The final straw was when they posted three penis-enlargement ads on one page. I’m all for free enterprise, […]

The erosion of quality in today’s ‘hurry-up-and-half-ass-it’ economy

A few years ago, I took a temp job as an entertainment blogger for an online magazine. My boss’s name was Ron. He was short with a clenched jaw and shoulders so stiff that they came up to his ears. Ron would spend his day walking up and down the rows of desks, screaming horrific […]

Blank pages waiting to be written on

Every time I go to a Dollar Tree or a Big Lots or somewhere like that, I have to buy a spiral-bound notebook. It’s a compulsion. It’s even gotten to where I have to avoid the school supplies aisle in the supermarket. I always end up with a Spiderman or Hello Kitty notebook in my […]

Going the distance – albeit with short bursts of speed

I’m more of a sprinter than a long-distance runner. Actually, let me clarify. When it comes to track, my preferred position is spectator. But if you were to drag me back in time to high school, re-enroll me in my sophomore year, and force me to fulfill my physical-education requirement by taking a semester of […]

An essay of epic proportions

I sat down to write a blog post the other day, and this overwhelming sense of exhaustion draped over me. The idea of piecing together a coherent essay – complete with a gripping lede, a compelling thesis, and a succinct conclusion to tie it all up – seemed daunting and not worth the strain. I […]

A meme that only an English major can love

Either that, or a Norm Crosby fan.

Sometimes it’s better not to say anything at all 

I was sitting slumped over the keyboard, cradling my head in my hands, when Vanessa walked into the room. “What are you doing?” she asked, frowning. “Blogging,” I said. “It looks like you’re sitting there with your head in your hands.” “This is what I look like when I’m blogging.” Vanessa approached me and looked […]

The top 60 Tweets of a pretentious English student 

Even graduate students studying ecocentric literature can be social-media superstars! Bio: I express my artistry through emotional meditations and lowercase letters. My heart is pure; my poetry, self-published. 1. If there’s a sock on the door, don’t come in. I’m busy reading Vonnegut. 2. If my beret doesn’t give away my artistic tendencies, then I’m […]

I didn’t think I was destroyed, but that’s what the search engines say 

Dave the Downstairs Neighbor popped into my apartment on Saturday afternoon. “What’s going on?” I asked. He shrugged. “Nothing much. Just wanted to see what you were up to.” “You’re out of beer, aren’t you?” “Not necessarily,” Dave said. “I often come by just to say hi.” “Then you won’t mind if I drink this […]

Using social media to get more blog followers 

I wanted to get more followers on my blog, so I called my old friend, Sally the Social Media Guru. “I want to get more followers on my blog,” I told her. “Oh, good,” she said. “That’s my speciality. Are you looking for active reader engagement?” “I just want a bunch of followers,” I said. […]