Tag Archive | comedy

When you die and go to Heaven, you have to take a seminar

Ray walked down the narrow, dim hall, carrying a crumpled piece of paper. “What is this, the Channel Tunnel?” he mumbled to himself. “I’ve never seen such a long hallway with no doors or turns. The last time I encountered something so rambling and tedious, I was reading the collected works of Henry James.”  He’d […]

Hearts Flying Freely: a short story

1.  I was watching a DVD one Sunday afternoon when Annabelle broke the news. “Hey, Lyle,” she said, walking into the room. “My mom just e-mailed me. We’re invited to dinner next Saturday.” “Oh, great,” I said, groaning. She frowned. “That was real nice. What did my parents ever do to you?” “Nothing,” I said. […]

Iceholes: A Saga of Five Fishermen

I was watching TV and drinking beer when the phone rang. I picked up the receiver. “Put me on your ‘Do Not Call’ list. Thanks.” “Colane?”  “Yeah?” I said.  “Colane, it’s Dave.”  “Dave?” I said. “Dave’s not here, man.”  “Dude,” he said, laughing, “I was calling to see if you still wanted to go ice […]

Deriving inspiration from everyday life

People often are amazed to learn I can juggle. I’m not great at it. I can juggle three balls pretty well and even do a few tricks. I’m competent with four, but I can’t do any tricks — only straight juggling. Every time I’ve attempted to toss a ball under my leg or behind my […]

Those days when you just can’t deal

So I woke up the other morning to my alarm clock. Its relentless, piercing squawking pulled me out of a deep, restful sleep. Groaning, I reached out and fumbled around my nightstand, grasping for the snooze button. Instead of hitting it, I ended up knocking my wristwatch to the floor. “Uh,” I groaned. “I’m too […]

Giving directions using long-ago landmarks

I used to work as the receptionist for a small real-estate office. A guy walked in one morning. “I’m new in town, and I just rented a house from you guys,” he said. “Do you by chance know where the FedEx pickup box is?” “Sure,” I said. “Just go to the shopping center where the […]

The incessant whining of House Hunters couples

If I were a masochist, I might reach out and flush the toilet while showering. Or, I could stick my hand in a beehive and pluck off a chunk of honeycomb. Or, easier yet, I could simply watch a marathon of House Hunters reruns over the weekend. Talk about excruciating agony. If you’ve read this […]

A meme that only an English major can love

Either that, or a Norm Crosby fan.

Sometimes it’s better not to say anything at all 

I was sitting slumped over the keyboard, cradling my head in my hands, when Vanessa walked into the room. “What are you doing?” she asked, frowning. “Blogging,” I said. “It looks like you’re sitting there with your head in your hands.” “This is what I look like when I’m blogging.” Vanessa approached me and looked […]

I tried to help out my aunt on Thanksgiving, but I ended up being the turkey

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I went to my elderly great aunt’s house to clean up the debris in her front yard. I pulled weeds, trimmed hedges and pruned branches, then mowed the front lawn and shoveled off the poop deposited by the neighboring dogs. Only I guess I should have shoveled off the poop first, […]