Tag Archive | comedy

Iceholes: A Saga of Five Fishermen

I was watching TV and drinking beer when the phone rang. I picked up the receiver. “Put me on your ‘Do Not Call’ list. Thanks.” “Colane?”  “Yeah?” I said.  “Colane, it’s Dave.”  “Dave?” I said. “Dave’s not here, man.”  “Dude,” he said, laughing, “I was calling to see if you still wanted to go ice […]

Deriving inspiration from everyday life

People often are amazed to learn I can juggle. I’m not great at it. I can juggle three balls pretty well and even do a few tricks. I’m competent with four, but I can’t do any tricks — only straight juggling. Every time I’ve attempted to toss a ball under my leg or behind my […]

Those days when you just can’t deal

So I woke up the other morning to my alarm clock. Its relentless, piercing squawking pulled me out of a deep, restful sleep. Groaning, I reached out and fumbled around my nightstand, grasping for the snooze button. Instead of hitting it, I ended up knocking my wristwatch to the floor. “Uh,” I groaned. “I’m too […]

Giving directions using long-ago landmarks

I used to work as the receptionist for a small real-estate office. A guy walked in one morning. “I’m new in town, and I just rented a house from you guys,” he said. “Do you by chance know where the FedEx pickup box is?” “Sure,” I said. “Just go to the shopping center where the […]

The incessant whining of House Hunters couples

If I were a masochist, I might reach out and flush the toilet while showering. Or, I could stick my hand in a beehive and pluck off a chunk of honeycomb. Or, easier yet, I could simply watch a marathon of House Hunters reruns over the weekend. Talk about excruciating agony. If you’ve read this […]

A meme that only an English major can love

Either that, or a Norm Crosby fan.

Sometimes it’s better not to say anything at all 

I was sitting slumped over the keyboard, cradling my head in my hands, when Vanessa walked into the room. “What are you doing?” she asked, frowning. “Blogging,” I said. “It looks like you’re sitting there with your head in your hands.” “This is what I look like when I’m blogging.” Vanessa approached me and looked […]

I tried to help out my aunt on Thanksgiving, but I ended up being the turkey

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I went to my elderly great aunt’s house to clean up the debris in her front yard. I pulled weeds, trimmed hedges and pruned branches, then mowed the front lawn and shoveled off the poop deposited by the neighboring dogs. Only I guess I should have shoveled off the poop first, […]

The soul-crushing subterfuge of a blue-collar comedian

I was sitting in my cubicle, engaged in the miserable, degrading toil that is my job, when Carl the Annoying Coworker wheeled his chair into my personal space. He looked around, checking for our boss, then turned to me and said, “You busy?” I shrugged. “I was just lamenting my lost hopes and dreams and […]

I didn’t think I was destroyed, but that’s what the search engines say 

Dave the Downstairs Neighbor popped into my apartment on Saturday afternoon. “What’s going on?” I asked. He shrugged. “Nothing much. Just wanted to see what you were up to.” “You’re out of beer, aren’t you?” “Not necessarily,” Dave said. “I often come by just to say hi.” “Then you won’t mind if I drink this […]