Tag Archive | dating

Never rush to judgement — even if you’re right 

It was a sunny weekend morning. I was lying on the living-room couch in my pajamas, holding my iPad in front of me. My girlfriend, Ashley, walked into the room. “Oh, for crying out loud!” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “Are you seriously on that thing again?” I looked up. “Huh?” “I’m […]

Falling asleep during the movie invalidates your perspective

It was Friday night. My girlfriend, Ashley, and I were lounging at home. “Is it my turn to pick out a movie tonight?” I asked. “I don’t know,” Ashley said. “Is it? I thought you picked out the movie last Friday?” “What movie did I pick out?” I asked. She shrugged. “I don’t know. I […]

Ode to a bygone love

I’m wondering where you are tonight. I’ll tell you where I am. I’m in a smelly cab traveling through downtown, surrounded by a city that’s blinding me with neon and swallowing me whole. I’m leaning against the blotchy, fog-coated window, which feels like a sheet of ice against my flushed face and fevered cheeks. The […]

A party of one isn’t much of a party

It’s inadvisable to go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day if you don’t have a date. Common sense, you say? A nugget of knowledge so blatantly obvious that it need not be spoken? Perhaps. But unfortunately, I speak from experience. Unattached and dateless — and working at a new job in a new town — […]

I scream, you scream — we scream at each other about ice cream

Earlier today, I went grocery shopping for my friend, Vanessa. As I carried the sacks into the apartment, setting them on the kitchen floor, Vanessa unloaded them and put things away. “Uh oh,” she said, as I carried the last bag inside, closing the door behind me. She was standing in the kitchen, the refrigerator […]

Getting what you want out of life 

I was having a bad day at work, so I decided to treat myself to lunch at a diner. The waitress came over to take my order. “Can I get you a drink?” she asked. “Sure,” I said. “Can I have a Coke?” “Pepsi OK?” she asked, chewing on gum. I sighed. “Yeah. Pepsi’s fine.” […]

‘Yes, dear’

Don’t throw garbage in there! That’s a decorative wastebasket

Roberta, I hope you’re having a good evening. Thank you so much for coming. I’ve been wanting to have you over to my apartment for quite a while. I also hope you enjoyed your dinner. Sorry I burned the fish sticks! I’m just not used to baking them in the oven. I usually use the […]

Sweet serenade in the moonlight

If you’re looking to serenade a special someone in the moonlight, it’s never advisable to bring a synthesizer. Trust me on this one. Even if it’s portable and uses four D batteries instead of an electrical cord, the hassle is sure to undermine your amorous intentions. First of all, you have the lug the oversized thing […]

The kind that produce gas

I like to conclude a romantic evening with a beautiful woman by reaching across the table, taking her hand, and extolling the many virtues of beneficial gut bacteria. It’s not often I get a second date. Actually, I’m not even a big proponent of probiotics. Not anymore. I took them regularly for a few years, […]