Tag Archive | funny

The only thing I’m looking to enlarge is my audience, thank you

“So I was reading your blog yesterday,” said my friend, Helen, “and I noticed that the ads were gone. You must have paid extra to have them removed.” I nodded. “Yeah. They were getting a little intrusive. The final straw was when they posted three penis-enlargement ads on one page. I’m all for free enterprise, […]

Big media and its incessant war against Millennials

Last week, I was invited to participate in an editorial meeting at a metropolitan newspaper. I followed all of the reporters to a conference room and took a seat. The executive editor sat in a chair near the front. “Listen up, everyone,” he said, holding up his hands. The chatter in the room slowly subsided. […]

Big-city sprawl is stealing small-town charm

I like living in a small town. There are so many quirks that you don’t get to enjoy anywhere else. Like the one time I went to a community theater to see a play. As everyone was settling into their seats, a man in a bathrobe walked in. I saw him and assumed he was […]

The future turned out to be as dull as the present

When I was a kid in the 1990s, I used to watch Back to the Future II — the one where Doc and Marty travel from the year 1985 to 2015. I remember how exciting it was then to dream about the future and all the technological advancements it would bring. Talk about a letdown. […]

The rich are suffering the most in the U.S.’s overheated housing market

According to recent data, the lack of available housing in the U.S. is pushing the rich into increasingly substandard living conditions — including homes that lack indoor swimming pools and which feature laminate floors instead of hardwood.  The finding came from a recent economic report issued by the Association for Statistical Study and Emerging Sciences, […]

The fight for survival in the supermarket aisle

I can’t walk through the grocery store these days without some wide-eyed, deranged maniac barreling down on me with a shopping cart. You’ve seen these people — they’re half-crazed and on a mission. The way they shove their carts down the aisle, you’d think they were tackling a linebacker. You have to jump aside when […]

When you’re less successful than an empty desk

It’s not exactly a confidence booster when somebody gets introduced to an empty desk and ignores you completely.  This happened to me years ago, and it’s happened to other people I know, too. I was working at my desk when a manager tromped in with a high-level executive. I had heard that she would be […]

Anything you can do, a computer can do better

My boss called me into his office the other day. “Take a seat,” he said. “I’ve got big news.” My heart jumped. “Is it about that promotion I’ve been asking for?” “Not exactly,” he said, sinking into his chair. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go.” “Oh.” I looked down. “This doesn’t […]

Getting ahead by getting in over your head

“You know, you really should consider buying a house,” said my friend, Wayne, as he looked around my dismal apartment, his lips curled in a condescending sneer. “Now is a terrific time to buy.” “Really?” I said, settling across from him on my grungy couch. “Right now? You mean when inventory is depleted and prices […]

Rallying for all the wrong reasons

My next-door neighbor, Paul, was all grins the other day when we met for drinks after work. “What are you so happy about?” I asked, my head sagging over my gin and tonic. “Well,” Paul said, wearing a huge smile, “I’m not sure if you follow the financial news, but there was a major relief […]