Tag Archive | funny

An economy where no one has to work

We live in an ultra-modern, super-high-tech society with instant messaging, social media, visual teleconferencing, desktop screen-sharing and collaborative workspaces. Yet despite all that, it’s still impossible to get a hold of anybody. In my professional career, I don’t think I’ve ever called anyone and actually gotten through. I’ve always been directed to voicemail. This frustration […]

Sick days and substitute teachers 

Substitute-teacher days were always weird. You knew something was off as soon as you walked into class. You could feel it churning in your gut – along with the undercooked corndog you’d eaten for lunch. Some random adult would be standing at the head of the classroom, looking lost and out of place, as if […]

Maybe you should try decluttering your house before listing it for sale

Years ago, I worked in a small real-estate office. One of the agents got a new listing, so she asked me to drop in and take photos. As I dropped in, my jaw dropped. Random junk sat atop every conceivable surface. It looked as if a tornado had struck a knickknack shop. There were dog […]

Seasoned employees don’t use exclamation points

When I compare my work e-mails today to the ones I wrote as a new hire, there’s a noticeable difference. My e-mails today — though friendly — are often brief and to the point. The sentences are simple, and the punctuation is basic. “Hi John. Please send me a copy of the check. Thank you.” […]

Going the distance – albeit with short bursts of speed

I’m more of a sprinter than a long-distance runner. Actually, let me clarify. When it comes to track, my preferred position is spectator. But if you were to drag me back in time to high school, re-enroll me in my sophomore year, and force me to fulfill my physical-education requirement by taking a semester of […]

We’re not all that different from our bleating brethren 

People are sheep. That’s probably not the most groundbreaking of observations, but it’s a tough one to argue. Despite our advanced critical-thinking skills (which unfortunately aren’t displayed in our political institutions), humans are like animals when it comes to following the herd. Instead of engaging in self-reliance, we’ll seek out a shepherd. Instead of employing […]

Apparently, no one stole the cookies from the cookie jar

Growing up, there was always that one petulant kid who’d throw inexplicable tantrums during class. He could be mellow one moment and transform into a Tasmanian devil the next. (And just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about President Trump.) You never knew what would set this kid off. Everyone would walk on eggshells in […]

That wicked-smart takedown from ‘Good Will Hunting’

I’ve always wanted to have a Good Will Hunting moment. See, there’s a scene in the movie where Ben Affleck tries talking to Minnie Driver in a bar, and a Harvard creep interrupts and starts spouting intellectual gibberish to make Affleck look stupid. (Which shouldn’t have been too hard, given that Affleck would go on […]

Deriving inspiration from everyday life

People often are amazed to learn I can juggle. I’m not great at it. I can juggle three balls pretty well and even do a few tricks. I’m competent with four, but I can’t do any tricks — only straight juggling. Every time I’ve attempted to toss a ball under my leg or behind my […]

Toilet stall poetry

Have you ever used a public restroom, Been seated inside a stall? And have you noticed the words of wisdom, That are scrawled across the wall? Curses and verses and wisecracks. Hints and tips not taught in school. Insightful quotes by anonymous authors. Sketches of women in the nude. If you must answer the call […]