Tag Archive | humor

Hearts Flying Freely: a short story

1.  I was watching a DVD one Sunday afternoon when Annabelle broke the news. “Hey, Lyle,” she said, walking into the room. “My mom just e-mailed me. We’re invited to dinner next Saturday.” “Oh, great,” I said, groaning. She frowned. “That was real nice. What did my parents ever do to you?” “Nothing,” I said. […]

A lawn-care crew that carries in the groceries 

During the summer before I started college, I worked as a laborer for a lawn-cutting service. There were five guys on the crew — including me — and my boss was a guy named Crew Leader Carl. He had hair down to his shoulders and always had a cigarette sticking out the side of his […]

The Do-Over: a short story

1. The cafeteria smelled like greasy french fries. It always did, no matter what was being served. Today, the menu featured sliced turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy. Jimmy shuddered. He approached the serving window, plastic tray in hand, and faced a tired-looking old lady wearing thick glasses and a tight hairnet. “Hi there,” Jimmy […]

Iceholes: A Saga of Five Fishermen

I was watching TV and drinking beer when the phone rang. I picked up the receiver. “Put me on your ‘Do Not Call’ list. Thanks.” “Colane?”  “Yeah?” I said.  “Colane, it’s Dave.”  “Dave?” I said. “Dave’s not here, man.”  “Dude,” he said, laughing, “I was calling to see if you still wanted to go ice […]

Deriving inspiration from everyday life

People often are amazed to learn I can juggle. I’m not great at it. I can juggle three balls pretty well and even do a few tricks. I’m competent with four, but I can’t do any tricks — only straight juggling. Every time I’ve attempted to toss a ball under my leg or behind my […]

Stuck in the middle with you

It’s not technically cheating if it’s in a parallel universe 

I was eating dinner the other night with my friend, Vanessa. “This is really good, Angela,” I said, shoveling peas in my mouth. “You totally outdid yourself tonight.” Vanessa set down her fork. “What did you call me?” I looked up. “Pardon?” Vanessa’s eyes widened. “Did you just call me Angela?” I blinked and swallowed […]

Financial experts: No matter what the market, you should always buy stocks

I walked into a local money manager’s office the other day to open an account. “Do you have an appointment, sir?” the receptionist asked, as I walked past her desk. I walked into the money manager’s office and sat down at his desk. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “I know you’re a money manager, so […]

The 10 people who really rule the world

So I won the election for President of the United States. I know; I was surprised, too. Especially since my campaign just consisted of me and Downstairs Neighbor Dave calling random people during dinnertime. Many folks screamed horrible, rage-fueled obscenities at us when we asked for their vote, but others liked my plan for nationalizing […]

A terrifying encounter in the dairy section

All I wanted was a carton of milk — the freshest carton I could buy. But then a sinister shelf-stocker got in the way….