Tag Archive | lifestyle

I tried to help out my aunt on Thanksgiving, but I ended up being the turkey

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I went to my elderly great aunt’s house to clean up the debris in her front yard. I pulled weeds, trimmed hedges and pruned branches, then mowed the front lawn and shoveled off the poop deposited by the neighboring dogs. Only I guess I should have shoveled off the poop first, […]

I scream, you scream — we scream at each other about ice cream

Earlier today, I went grocery shopping for my friend, Vanessa. As I carried the sacks into the apartment, setting them on the kitchen floor, Vanessa unloaded them and put things away. “Uh oh,” she said, as I carried the last bag inside, closing the door behind me. She was standing in the kitchen, the refrigerator […]

If you want all those cool home features, you’ll have to pay extra

I wanted to go house-hunting, so I called my old friend, Rhonda the Realtor. “I want to look at houses,” I told her. “Are you serious about buying?” she asked. “Because the last time you called, you had no intention of buying. The only reason you wanted to look at homes was because you had […]

Church-Lady meets Lars Ulrich

Music Review: “25 Organ Favorites” https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/25-organ-favorites-remastered/id410883996 Author’s Note: My great-grandmother bought me this album when I was in high school. I imagine she ventured to Tower Records and asked the clerk what kind of music a teenage boy would like. Snickering, he probably handed her the CD and said, “Try this, lady. I’m sure he’ll […]

The catnip candy cane and the unimpressed cat

So I’m on the phone with my friend, Brenda. And she says, “You have a cat, don’t you? I thought I remembered you saying you have a cat.” “Yep,” I say, laughing. “I sure do. I am indeed the proud owner of a cat.” “Hey!” I look up to see my cat staring at me […]

Don’t throw garbage in there! That’s a decorative wastebasket

Roberta, I hope you’re having a good evening. Thank you so much for coming. I’ve been wanting to have you over to my apartment for quite a while. I also hope you enjoyed your dinner. Sorry I burned the fish sticks! I’m just not used to baking them in the oven. I usually use the […]

Uncertainty and panic at the bank drive-through

The drive-through window at the bank is a problem. Once I slip my deposit into the transparent plastic tube and press the “send” button to make it whoosh away, I’m not sure what to do with myself. I don’t want to face the bank window, because then the teller will think I’m scrutinizing her performance […]

Cheating vehicular miscreants who sponge off your stops

“Stop deceivers” are among the sneakiest of miscreants you’ll encounter on the road. They surreptitiously run stop signs by driving alongside another vehicle.

Reclaiming my right to recess

Why does recess have to go away when you grow up? All they give you in adulthood is a measly lunch hour … and maybe a cigarette break, if you’re lucky.

No ‘P’ Any Time

Sometimes a “P” just isn’t wanted.