Tag Archive | lol

0.2 days without a workplace-related accident

During the summer before I started college, I worked as a laborer for a lawn-cutting service. There were five guys on the crew — including me — and my boss was a guy named Crew Leader Carl. He had hair down to his shoulders and always had a cigarette sticking out the side of his […]

Learning invaluable lessons from an incompetent life coach 

It was around seven on Tuesday evening. My girlfriend, Ashley, and I had already eaten dinner. Now we were both sitting on the living-room couch, watching a Love It or List It rerun on TV. I was reclined with my head tilted back, and as the show played out, I started to snooze. It had […]

Not every question needs to be asked 

Years ago, before starting college, I worked as a laborer for a lawn-cutting service. We had five guys on the crew, including me, and my boss was named Crew Leader Carl. That wasn’t his legal name, in case you were wondering. That was just what we called him. (That would have been an uncanny coincidence […]

Falling asleep during the movie invalidates your perspective

It was Friday night. My girlfriend, Ashley, and I were lounging at home. “Is it my turn to pick out a movie tonight?” I asked. “I don’t know,” Ashley said. “Is it? I thought you picked out the movie last Friday?” “What movie did I pick out?” I asked. She shrugged. “I don’t know. I […]

Putting the pieces together 

It was Saturday evening, around eight. I was at my friend Ashley’s apartment. We were kneeling over the living-room coffee table, putting together a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. We’d bought it about a week ago during a weekend shopping trip. Now, after working on it for a few hours every evening since, we were almost done. […]

Hearts Flying Freely: a short story

1.  I was watching a DVD one Sunday afternoon when Annabelle broke the news. “Hey, Lyle,” she said, walking into the room. “My mom just e-mailed me. We’re invited to dinner next Saturday.” “Oh, great,” I said, groaning. She frowned. “That was real nice. What did my parents ever do to you?” “Nothing,” I said. […]

We’re not all that different from our bleating brethren 

People are sheep. That’s probably not the most groundbreaking of observations, but it’s a tough one to argue. Despite our advanced critical-thinking skills (which unfortunately aren’t displayed in our political institutions), humans are like animals when it comes to following the herd. Instead of engaging in self-reliance, we’ll seek out a shepherd. Instead of employing […]

Apparently, no one stole the cookies from the cookie jar

Growing up, there was always that one petulant kid who’d throw inexplicable tantrums during class. He could be mellow one moment and transform into a Tasmanian devil the next. (And just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about President Trump.) You never knew what would set this kid off. Everyone would walk on eggshells in […]

That wicked-smart takedown from ‘Good Will Hunting’

I’ve always wanted to have a Good Will Hunting moment. See, there’s a scene in the movie where Ben Affleck tries talking to Minnie Driver in a bar, and a Harvard creep interrupts and starts spouting intellectual gibberish to make Affleck look stupid. (Which shouldn’t have been too hard, given that Affleck would go on […]

Toilet stall poetry

Have you ever used a public restroom, Been seated inside a stall? And have you noticed the words of wisdom, That are scrawled across the wall? Curses and verses and wisecracks. Hints and tips not taught in school. Insightful quotes by anonymous authors. Sketches of women in the nude. If you must answer the call […]