Tag Archive | lol

The only thing I’m looking to enlarge is my audience, thank you

“So I was reading your blog yesterday,” said my friend, Helen, “and I noticed that the ads were gone. You must have paid extra to have them removed.” I nodded. “Yeah. They were getting a little intrusive. The final straw was when they posted three penis-enlargement ads on one page. I’m all for free enterprise, […]

Big media and its incessant war against Millennials

Last week, I was invited to participate in an editorial meeting at a metropolitan newspaper. I followed all of the reporters to a conference room and took a seat. The executive editor sat in a chair near the front. “Listen up, everyone,” he said, holding up his hands. The chatter in the room slowly subsided. […]

We’re not all that different from our bleating brethren 

People are sheep. That’s probably not the most groundbreaking of observations, but it’s a tough one to argue. Despite our advanced critical-thinking skills (which unfortunately aren’t displayed in our political institutions), humans are like animals when it comes to following the herd. Instead of engaging in self-reliance, we’ll seek out a shepherd. Instead of employing […]

Apparently, no one stole the cookies from the cookie jar

Growing up, there was always that one petulant kid who’d throw inexplicable tantrums during class. He could be mellow one moment and transform into a Tasmanian devil the next. (And just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about President Trump.) You never knew what would set this kid off. Everyone would walk on eggshells in […]

That wicked-smart takedown from ‘Good Will Hunting’

I’ve always wanted to have a Good Will Hunting moment. See, there’s a scene in the movie where Ben Affleck tries talking to Minnie Driver in a bar, and a Harvard creep interrupts and starts spouting intellectual gibberish to make Affleck look stupid. (Which shouldn’t have been too hard, given that Affleck would go on […]

Toilet stall poetry

Have you ever used a public restroom, Been seated inside a stall? And have you noticed the words of wisdom, That are scrawled across the wall? Curses and verses and wisecracks. Hints and tips not taught in school. Insightful quotes by anonymous authors. Sketches of women in the nude. If you must answer the call […]

If you want to live a good life, then be like an animal 

Animals seem to have life figured out. Whereas we humans tend to overcomplicate matters, animals excel at keeping things simple. For example, animals have two primary objectives in life: hunting for food and eating food. That’s it. That’s their life. They eat food to sustain their existence. I like it. Though perhaps not the most […]

Those days when you just can’t deal

So I woke up the other morning to my alarm clock. Its relentless, piercing squawking pulled me out of a deep, restful sleep. Groaning, I reached out and fumbled around my nightstand, grasping for the snooze button. Instead of hitting it, I ended up knocking my wristwatch to the floor. “Uh,” I groaned. “I’m too […]

Giving directions using long-ago landmarks

I used to work as the receptionist for a small real-estate office. A guy walked in one morning. “I’m new in town, and I just rented a house from you guys,” he said. “Do you by chance know where the FedEx pickup box is?” “Sure,” I said. “Just go to the shopping center where the […]

A party of one isn’t much of a party

It’s inadvisable to go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day if you don’t have a date. Common sense, you say? A nugget of knowledge so blatantly obvious that it need not be spoken? Perhaps. But unfortunately, I speak from experience. Unattached and dateless — and working at a new job in a new town — […]