Tag Archive | People

0.2 days without a workplace-related accident

During the summer before I started college, I worked as a laborer for a lawn-cutting service. There were five guys on the crew — including me — and my boss was a guy named Crew Leader Carl. He had hair down to his shoulders and always had a cigarette sticking out the side of his […]

When you die and go to Heaven, you have to take a seminar

Ray walked down the narrow, dim hall, carrying a crumpled piece of paper. “What is this, the Channel Tunnel?” he mumbled to himself. “I’ve never seen such a long hallway with no doors or turns. The last time I encountered something so rambling and tedious, I was reading the collected works of Henry James.”  He’d […]

Not every question needs to be asked 

Years ago, before starting college, I worked as a laborer for a lawn-cutting service. We had five guys on the crew, including me, and my boss was named Crew Leader Carl. That wasn’t his legal name, in case you were wondering. That was just what we called him. (That would have been an uncanny coincidence […]

Falling asleep during the movie invalidates your perspective

It was Friday night. My girlfriend, Ashley, and I were lounging at home. “Is it my turn to pick out a movie tonight?” I asked. “I don’t know,” Ashley said. “Is it? I thought you picked out the movie last Friday?” “What movie did I pick out?” I asked. She shrugged. “I don’t know. I […]

A lawn-care crew that carries in the groceries 

During the summer before I started college, I worked as a laborer for a lawn-cutting service. There were five guys on the crew — including me — and my boss was a guy named Crew Leader Carl. He had hair down to his shoulders and always had a cigarette sticking out the side of his […]

Smoldering ashes of youthful ambition

I gazed out the taxi-cab window, staring with hypnotized eyes at the sparkling lights of downtown. Life, vitality … excitement. And yet I felt no part of it. I felt empty, barren … like the acres of desert wasteland surrounding the city. That’s the problem with this city: I never feel whole. I always feel […]

Iceholes: A Saga of Five Fishermen

I was watching TV and drinking beer when the phone rang. I picked up the receiver. “Put me on your ‘Do Not Call’ list. Thanks.” “Colane?”  “Yeah?” I said.  “Colane, it’s Dave.”  “Dave?” I said. “Dave’s not here, man.”  “Dude,” he said, laughing, “I was calling to see if you still wanted to go ice […]

A ‘vintage’ love story

“Write me a sonnet,” Ashley said. I rolled over. My eyes felt sandy with sleep. “What did you say?” “A sonnet,” she said. “Write me one. Please.” I propped my head with my elbow, blinking. “Hon, what are you talking about? It’s one in the morning.” “You told me you’d write me a sonnet.” “Yeah, […]

The fight for survival in the supermarket aisle

I can’t walk through the grocery store these days without some wide-eyed, deranged maniac barreling down on me with a shopping cart. You’ve seen these people — they’re half-crazed and on a mission. The way they shove their carts down the aisle, you’d think they were tackling a linebacker. You have to jump aside when […]

When you’re less successful than an empty desk

It’s not exactly a confidence booster when somebody gets introduced to an empty desk and ignores you completely.  This happened to me years ago, and it’s happened to other people I know, too. I was working at my desk when a manager tromped in with a high-level executive. I had heard that she would be […]