Tag Archive | sarcasm

The only thing I’m looking to enlarge is my audience, thank you

“So I was reading your blog yesterday,” said my friend, Helen, “and I noticed that the ads were gone. You must have paid extra to have them removed.” I nodded. “Yeah. They were getting a little intrusive. The final straw was when they posted three penis-enlargement ads on one page. I’m all for free enterprise, […]

Big media and its incessant war against Millennials

Last week, I was invited to participate in an editorial meeting at a metropolitan newspaper. I followed all of the reporters to a conference room and took a seat. The executive editor sat in a chair near the front. “Listen up, everyone,” he said, holding up his hands. The chatter in the room slowly subsided. […]

The future turned out to be as dull as the present

When I was a kid in the 1990s, I used to watch Back to the Future II — the one where Doc and Marty travel from the year 1985 to 2015. I remember how exciting it was then to dream about the future and all the technological advancements it would bring. Talk about a letdown. […]

The rich are suffering the most in the U.S.’s overheated housing market

According to recent data, the lack of available housing in the U.S. is pushing the rich into increasingly substandard living conditions — including homes that lack indoor swimming pools and which feature laminate floors instead of hardwood.  The finding came from a recent economic report issued by the Association for Statistical Study and Emerging Sciences, […]

The fight for survival in the supermarket aisle

I can’t walk through the grocery store these days without some wide-eyed, deranged maniac barreling down on me with a shopping cart. You’ve seen these people — they’re half-crazed and on a mission. The way they shove their carts down the aisle, you’d think they were tackling a linebacker. You have to jump aside when […]

When you’re less successful than an empty desk

It’s not exactly a confidence booster when somebody gets introduced to an empty desk and ignores you completely.  This happened to me years ago, and it’s happened to other people I know, too. I was working at my desk when a manager tromped in with a high-level executive. I had heard that she would be […]

Anything you can do, a computer can do better

My boss called me into his office the other day. “Take a seat,” he said. “I’ve got big news.” My heart jumped. “Is it about that promotion I’ve been asking for?” “Not exactly,” he said, sinking into his chair. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go.” “Oh.” I looked down. “This doesn’t […]

An economy where no one has to work

We live in an ultra-modern, super-high-tech society with instant messaging, social media, visual teleconferencing, desktop screen-sharing and collaborative workspaces. Yet despite all that, it’s still impossible to get a hold of anybody. In my professional career, I don’t think I’ve ever called anyone and actually gotten through. I’ve always been directed to voicemail. This frustration […]

Maybe you should try decluttering your house before listing it for sale

Years ago, I worked in a small real-estate office. One of the agents got a new listing, so she asked me to drop in and take photos. As I dropped in, my jaw dropped. Random junk sat atop every conceivable surface. It looked as if a tornado had struck a knickknack shop. There were dog […]

Seasoned employees don’t use exclamation points

When I compare my work e-mails today to the ones I wrote as a new hire, there’s a noticeable difference. My e-mails today — though friendly — are often brief and to the point. The sentences are simple, and the punctuation is basic. “Hi John. Please send me a copy of the check. Thank you.” […]