Tag Archive | satire

Best dates

They say the best dates include breakfast … so I take all mine to the iHOP.

Alien abduction

I doubt aliens are abducting us to examine our genitals. I can’t even find an Earthling who’s interested in mine.

An incompetent carpet cleaner

When the carpet cleaner got called to remove a gras stain, he didn’t expect this.

House Hunters

Related: This week on ‘Home Searchers’

Writing greeting cards on the graveyard shift

“It’s the unscrupulous part of your soul that pulls open the curtains and shivers at a molecular level.” And so began my career writing greeting cards. It’s a work-from-home proposition. Meaning I’m not allowed in the office. Something about the dark nature of my work, and the higher-ups not wanting me to influence the other […]

A heated exchange with a surly waitress

The waitress approached my table and asked what I’d like to order. I told her the spaghetti-and-meatballs platter with a side order of rice and beans. She raised an eyebrow. “We don’t have any of that on the menu.” “Right,” I said. “But that’s what I want to order.” “You can’t order it if it’s […]

A secluded family home down an idyllic country lane

A country home offers everything a growing family could want: seclusion, privacy, gorgeous scenery. But no Internet, come to find out. I wish they’d mentioned that little tidbit on the flyer.

A devastating day for justice

With phone booths growing scarcer these days, superheroes are faced with less-desirable options when it comes to changing outfits.

Driving a hard bargain at the county fair

You have to be careful at the county fair. The vendors are trained to spot a sucker, and if you don’t watch out, they’ll screw you royally. “Miss one of them there bottles,” the vendor said, “and I’ll take your firstborn.”

Motivational speaker relies on ‘feel-good fluff’ to inspire corporate audiences 

“Life is completely meaningless — especially if you’re a corporate drone,” says motivational speaker Iggy “The Eye-Opener” Davidson. “My job is to help people come to terms with how insignificant they are in the grand scheme of things.”